6. Joey Porter: Talk about a chump, the guy is the antithesis of sportsmanship and cries like a jaundiced child on the field. And may I remind you of the time he pushed an obviously injured Todd Heap to the ground and then hovered over him like a vulture to road kill.

5. Heinz Field: No wonder so many of the Steelers’ fans feel so at home at Heinz Field – it looks like a cow pasture. The middle of the “turf” area has been described by some Steelers as a sand pit. Where else in the NFL do teams allow high school games to be played on their home “grass” field the night before hosting a game?

You think the Steelers are angling for home field advantage while placing opposing teams at risk?

Of course they are and the league allowing it is just more of the same pro-Steelers sentiment that has permeated the NFL’s ivory tower like swine flu. Come to think of it, this field is barely suitable for even a swine. Have you ever seen a towering punt land on a grass field and just stick like a Phil Michelson approach shot? It happened at Heinz Field in 2007 when the Steelers hosted the Dolphins.

4. Steely McBeam: The team mascot looks like the love child of Bill Cowher and Hines Ward.

 

3. Terrible Towels: What does a boxer’s corner do when their guy can’t answer the bell? They throw in the towel, right? So how is it that a towel (an ugly freakin’ towel at that) can be a rallying prop? Isn’t this yet another example of how cerebrally challenged the Steelers fans are? Yet somehow they all seemed to be comfortably numb to the irony, anesthetized by the aroma of three rivers perhaps?

2. Bandwagon Fans: You’ve heard the term “fox hole guy” before I’m sure. He’s the kind of guy that you know has your back if he’s your friend regardless of the circumstances. Bandwagon fans in Baltimore are just the opposite.

Look if you are from Pittsburgh and you live in Baltimore, I get it. I wouldn’t want to live in Pittsburgh either. And if you cheer for your team, fine. But natives of Baltimore who adopted the Steelers when the Colts left town and they STILL root for the Steelers despite the presence of the Ravens, for the life of me, I don’t get you; don’t understand you; can’t look at you; I hate you!

1D. Cockroaches: Steelers fans are everywhere. Chances are that if you head over to Cairo, Egypt right now amongst all of the looting, rioting, chaos and explosions, there’s some dive bar in a rat infested part of town with a bunch of fat toothless women waving a Terrible Towel drinking an “Arn” City Lite and have no idea why they are doing either.

1C. Lucky SOB’s: Has any call in any important game ever gone against the Steelers? It all started with Franco Harris’ Immaculate Reception back in 1972 and it hasn’t stopped since. For those of you old enough to remember, there was a TD pass from the Oilers Dan Pastorini to Mike Renfro that was ruled incomplete during the AFC Championship Game in 1979 that cost Houston a potential Super Bowl berth.

Then there was Jackie Smith’s dropped pass during Super Bowl XIII that cost the Cowboys the championship, thus handing it to the Steelers; they’ve played some of the weakest Super Bowl teams in history such as the LA Rams, Seattle Seahawks and Arizona Cardinals and nearly lost 2 of those games; they were gifted a Super Bowl XL win due to some incredibly inept officiating; this season they benefitted from a “do over” thanks to referee and Pittsburgh area native Gene Steratore in Miami and Stevie Johnson dropped a would be walk off TD that could have cost the Steelers the AFC North title this season.

I’m sure there’s more and as much as I hate to say it, God certainly seems like a Steelers’ fan.

1B. Hines Ward: Consistently voted among the dirtiest if not the dirtiest player in the league by his peers, Whines Hard has the stones to criticize the NFL for wanting to extend the season to 18 games. He chastises the league for promoting safety yet wanting to put the players in the line of fire 2 more games each season.

On the surface, he has a point but it’s hard for a hypocrite to accuse another of being hypocritical. Wards’ cheap shots suggest he’s hardly concerned about the safety of his peers. One day before the pumpkinhead retires, I hope that when he gets up after a hard hit and smiles, that his pearly whites crumble like a Steelers fan taking an IQ test.

1A. Ben Roethlisberger: This guy should be a poster child for stupidity. He’s got the world by the cojones, a $100+ million contract yet joy rides on a crotch rocket and decides to use his head to test the resistance of windshields. Then as a 26 year old multi-millionaire, he runs around bars all over America, stiffs bartenders and waitresses despite being the wealthiest person in those establishments and then invites borderline minors for “joyrides” in the men’s room. But the only thing the Yinzers care about is their Stairway-2-7 and morals be damned! More here on this douche bag.

Wow, that felt good.