LET ME TAKE SOME OF THE PUNCHES FOR YOU TONIGHT ~ Prior to Super Bowl XL, Hines Ward had a knot in his stomach that apparently felt like a blow to the bread basket.  He attributed it to nerves and his suspicions were confirmed when he did his best Linda Blair impersonation in the privacy of a Ford Field locker room stall.  Later he sought the advice of none other than Ray Lewis.  Perhaps sometime after Ray suggested to Ward that he should feel fortunate to have Roethlisberger as his quarterback and not Kyle Boller, the exchange between the two went like this according to Ward:

Ward: "Man, is it all right for me to be nervous like this?"

Lewis: "Man, all the great ones do, so just go out and play."

LISTEN TO ME NOW, I NEED TO LET YOU KNOW…YOU DON’T HAVE TO GO IT ALONE ~ After weeks of speculation, Al Michaels confirmed the suspicions of many when he announced that he is severing ties with ESPN.  This will free Michaels to join the all-star cast at NBC that includes Michael’s ABC sidekick John Madden as well as the perennial peacock player Bob Costas.

Will this leave analyst Joe Theismann without a wing man?

Uh-Uh.

ESPN will usher in Mike “I Didn’t Harass Her” Tirico to replace Michaels and compliment Theismann with yet another Washingtonian, Tony Kornheiser.  No one asked me but Kornheiser I’m down with – Tirico, let’s just say the jury is still out.

I WALK A LONELY ROAD…THE ONLY ONE THAT I HAVE EVER KNOWN…DON’T KNOW WHERE IT GOES, BUT IT’S HOME TO ME AND I WALK ALONE ~ Word is the Houston Texans are struggling with who to select with the draft’s very first pick.  The consensus up to this point has been that Reggie Bush would be the choice yet there is public sentiment in Houston trying to sway the Texans towards Vince Young.  Young is a native son of Texas.  Couple that with the probable selection of Young by the Titans who play the Texans twice annually, and passing on Young has the makings of a public relations nightmare.  Nothing that one dazzling run from Reggie Bush and perhaps a less sieve-like offensive line for David Carr wouldn’t cure!

SOMETIMES I WISH SOMEONE OUT THERE WILL FIND ME…’TIL THEN I WALK ALONE ~ After Super Bowl XL, the plan was for Mike Holmgren and Bill Cowher to meet at the 25 yard line to engage in the traditional post game handshake.  The problem is that the two coaches didn’t agree on which 25 yard line.  Holmgren went to one and Cowher another.  Based upon the way the Seahawks managed their two minute offense, I’m with Cowher on this one…

THERE IS A LONG WAY, BETWEEN CHAOS AND CREATION…IF YOU DON’T SAY, WHICH ONE OF THESE YOUR GONNA CHOSE ~ Steelers’ offensive coordinator Ken Whisenhunt is heading west – at least for a visit with Raiders owner Al Davis.  While most think that it is a foregone conclusion that Whisenhunt will be the new Raiders head coach, don’t be surprised if Whisenhunt leaves without the job, not because it wasn’t offered but rather because it wasn’t accepted.  It that happens, expect Art Shell to be the lead candidate.  If hired it will be Shell’s second tour of duty as head coach with the black and silver.  Other candidates that have had face to face interviews with the slippery Davis include KC’s offensive coordinator Al Saunders (now the highest paid OC in DC), Tampa’s defensive line coach Rod Marinelli (now Detroit’s HC), Chargers receivers coach James Lofton and Raiders QB coach “Sloop” John Shoop.

HE GIVES ME MONEY WHEN I’M IN NEED, YEAH HE’S A TRIFFLIN’ FRIEND INDEED ~ The Bengals signed free agent QB Doug Johnson to a one-year contract on Wednesday.  Johnson is a six year vet who has seen action (albeit limited) with the Falcons (2000-03), Titans (2004) and the Browns (2005).  Johnson has 11 starts to his credit. 

Might this signal Jon Kitna’s departure?

Time will tell if Johnson does in fact become Carson Palmer’s back-up.  If so, the Ravens will benefit because a divisional rival will become weaker.  Palmer is questionable for the start of the season at this point and it is difficult to imagine a scenario in which Marvin Lewis places his team in the hands of Johnson who is 2-12 as a starter.  But then again, Kitna and his agent claim that they have yet to hear from the Bengals.

Such claims will be common in the upcoming free agency period.  Until a new collective bargaining agreement is reached, teams may be reluctant to make big free agent splashes since signing bonuses are amortized over a maximum of only four years.

Hey, does anyone know who won Lingerie Bowl III?